The Attic News Vol.2

I'm DoneI have been in a pretty bad depression lately and I've been dwelling on every negative thought that comes into my mind. I will sit and think about everything that can go wrong with every decision I make. I've been doing this for a while and I think that I'm being attacked for trying to step up and take a role in the church. But as the title states I am done. I have been feeling like this and not enjoying my family. I haven't been working like I would if I was working for God. I WILL take every day as it comes and not worry about tommorrow. I am tired of it. I think that I doubt myself so much that if I don't make a stand now and end it I will never do anything. I feel like I've been lukewarm and I think that's exactly where satan wants me. I have thought to myself, How am i going to be effective working at two jobs and teaching in the church? The answer is I won't be effective. I HAVE to rely on God for this and I believe that God through me will be much more effective at all three jobs than I would at one. I believe that I am dry ground as mentioned in Isaiah 53:1-2a NIV "1 Who has believed our message and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed? 2 He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground". I believe that Jesus will grow in me because a "tender shoot" cannot grow out of "dry ground" except if it is the Lord's will because anything is possible if you believe. I also believe that by working and teaching for Jesus instead of thinking for myself "rain" will fall on me and He will do more in me. I remember when I was about to quit Halliburton and I was talking to my best friend Matt about the situation. I was telling him that I didn't know if it would be a good idea to quit this job because I was making a lot of money and my family could probably be set for life. But I didn't feel like I was called to go work in the oilfield. I felt like I was called to minister only. And I was torn between the two. Much to my surprise he told me that he felt like I was in a great place. I kinda thought that he was crazy but he told me that he thought that God is going to do great things in me. Well since then we have survived and I think that we could have been living a great life since then if I wouldn't have doubted. I can't do anything about that but I can change today. I think that Matthew 6:24 is a good verse about putting money and God in perspective: "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.". I think that it's interesting that Jesus goes on to talk about not worrying about things in the following verses. And He says "But seek first his kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33. To me it sounds like Jesus knew that people were going to worry about material things then as well as today. It's hard for us to comprehend that. We don't know how to function unless we control where our future is going and how we're going to get paid. I have seen this firsthand. I want to totally rely on God and not worry about material things. I know it will be hard but only because it's a human thing to worry like that. It's unnatural for us to rely on someone else providing for us especially someone we can't see. But again as the title states: I'm Done. I'm not relying on me anymore. I have to rely on God. My family needs a leader that relies on a God that can provide above and beyond anything that they or I could have imagined. So finally I'm starting to think that I am in a great place and that God will work in me. I'm done with me.Later.